This week, I had two very different conversations with two very near and dear friends on the same topic. Me.
I got a card from one friend thanking me for my friendship and apologizing because she felt like she hasn’t been a good friend to me. She admitted wanting to be there for me through the loss of my son, but didn’t know how to support me. She asked if I wanted to talk about, not talk about it, laugh, cry, whatever. She honestly revealed that she had an inner fear of making a difficult time even harder.
The other friend texted me that she feels like I don’t care about our friendship because she felt ignored and that I’ve lacked effort. I apologized for anything I did or didn’t do, told her it wasn’t intentional, and reminded her that it’s been a tough year and I have a hard time doing much of anything. She informed me that she’s tried to not take it personal but couldn’t ignore the last few months. She gets that I’ve been through a lot, but can see that I’ve changed.
If you’ve taken the time to read this far, please keep going because this is important. There is no timetable to grief, there is no manual on how it’s supposed to go, and there’s no way to understand the situation unless you’ve experienced it. This holds true for all types of experiences.
This pain is something no one should experience. The same goes for the subsequent burden of having to validate it to others.
Friends – please know that I love and appreciate you all. I know you don’t know how to deal with this kind of loss or even maybe how I’ve changed. Neither do I. There’s not an ounce of my being that holds you responsible for that. My only hope is that as you are on this journey with me, that you walk it with patience and maybe a little persistance.
It’s been 6.5 months since Luca died, and it feels like we’re at a whole new crossroad with reality. It’s hard and it’s painful. Your prayers, support, honesty, love, and patience means more than you know.
I hope this helps anyone who has a friend going through what we are.